I know that a great deal of ink has been written on Amanda Todd, and in my view all justified. She was pressured and tormented in the worst kind of ways for a teenager. Let’s face it High School is tough enough without adult perverts trying to sneak a peek at some innocent child.
But as I said I am not trying to add to that mountain.
Instead I want to add my name to that list.
I know that most of my readers see me as a well put together middle-aged man who writes about Winnipeg. Concerts, dining out, and just general everyday stuff. But in this context I can relate to Amanda because I was bullied every day in high school too.
Thinking back it was actually in grade school because I had a cousin who, shared my last name who WAS the bully in the day.
Bare with me I am putting pieces together.
We all start small, there is always someone bigger than us, and that was me. From the big and little hills in the back of Robert Moore School in Fort Frances. Where big kids would dominate the little kids according to hill size.
To the stinking old Fort Frances High, where you could take shots in the stairwell for not being part of a clique. I was never part of a group. My little group huddled in an alcove most mornings and between classes. Outsiders one and all.
We all got beaten down in different ways, I took beatings in the stairs and lockers. Girls got berated in the bathrooms. To a person we were made to feel smaller and worth less. I remember Darren, Barb, Carrol, Todd, Calvin.
Then came the day that I got bigger than them. I was drinking from a fountain one afternoon. One of those shits pushed my head in, and I found my strength.
I took that motherfucker by the scruff and bashed his scrawny head into a locker. Not once, not twice but multiple times. All the while he was crying for his big bully brother to come to his aid.
Sorry fucker you messed with the wrong dork.
I know the shame that Amanda felt, how low you can feel when someone drags you under their boot. I wish Amanda would have had that anger that I felt. The ability to regain her power, but at that tender age you really don’t have much power to start with.
I know your pain Amanda, I hope that you finally rest in peace.