Rest in Peace Chef: Anthony Bourdain dead at 61.

As I write this I’m watching people share stories and thoughts on what is looking like an apparent suicide by Anthony Bourdain.

The one time chef and author/globetrotter was found dead by his friend Éric Ripert in France this morning apparently by his own hand.

Anyone who has even casually looked at this blog will know that I have been a constant fan of the man and his work. A previous girlfriend of mine used to call him my man crush and I suppose that assessment was true.

In fact this blog page is a direct result of my early ‘obsession with Bourdain’. When my girlfriend and I won a trip to New York one of the first things we did was go to eat at his old restaurant Les Halles where he had been head chef.

I can’t even begin to imagine what his ex wife and daughter are going through this morning and in all sincerity my heart goes out to them though all of this.

Bourdain has the distinction of being one of the original bad boy celebrity chefs along with Marco Pierre White and Gordon Ramsay.

He used food as a bridge to explore different cultures. Sharing a meal and finding out what really makes the world tick. From high end dining with 3 star chefs to squatting in the sand with tribesmen in Namibia eating the less appealing parts of warthog.

He opened my mind to the world of exotic food. To the point where I will often try a new cuisine and just have the server bring me what they would want to eat.

Depression and suicide are very serious medical issues. One can never really know what demons a person is struggling with. What pain, guilt or shame they carry in their hearts. Real or imagined to the outside world those feelings are all too real to the person suffering.

Mental illness can be as debilitating as a broken bone or heart condition. But because that pain is invisible to everyone else it is misunderstood and marginalized by the outside world. I know this because I deal with depression and severe anxiety on a daily basis.

To all of Anthony’s family and friends I offer my sincere condolences. You do not grieve alone.

Here’s Bobby!

Hello friends and gentle readers.

I feel that I should first apologize for the distinct lack of posts this last year or so, I basically took the year off as a sabbatical of sorts. My health in general was poor, my mind increasingly disjointed and unorganized. In short, I needed a break from life. I went to my Doctor and arranged a break of sorts. A mental and physical health holiday of the highest order.

I can happily report to all of you that my break was not in vain. In fact, I would highly recommend to anyone at the midpoint of life to take a year off and really dig into the mechanics of who you are, where you are and how you got there. For me it was not only the single-most difficult thing I had ever done, it was also the most rewarding and enlightening. A fearless accounting into who I am and who I am working to become in the future.

I say that with humble honesty, my friends, very few people to my knowledge take the time to mentally and emotionally rip their lives apart crawling hands and knees amongst the facets of our lives relentlessly searching and examining the good, the bad and ugly. The dark, sticky shame covered fragments that hide in the dingy corners and under the beds and the floorboards of the home that is our psyche.

I have trembled and cried uncontrollably at times, facing not the facts of my life, but the raw suppressed emotions I had buried for decades. I am beginning to learn how to feel and not just think. One of my most vexing Councillors repeated again and again, don’t tell me what you think, tell me what you feel. Scary stuff for a 45 year old man raised in the 70’s to do.

The long and short of it friends is that after a much needed break from life I am striving to return to the land of the living. Slowly at first, moderation I am finding is a good friend of mine. Surely though you can expect new content to grace the pages of Exploring Winnipeg and Beyond. I have been networking and working on story ideas that I hope you all find interesting and enlightening.

So it is with full optimism and determination I am proud to announce, the best is yet to come.

With Love to you all, I am once again, your scribe.

Bob

A Night Off.

I am sitting here after eating a great meal, that I prepared and ate all alone.  It’s one of those weird nights since Darlene and I got together that is nice, but lonely all at the same time.

It turns out that she’s out at her mother’s place tonight, partly due to weather and family obligations and I am glad she’s there.  Not for the reasons one would expect, that we don’t get along or we had a fight.  It’s not that at all.

Sometimes we all just need a night off.  Right now I am (half assed expecting) the Winnipeg Police to be knocking on the door because I have AC/DC cranked to 11.  Not really, my ears are too old for that crap but you understand what I am talking about I hope.

Don’t get me wrong I love Darlene with every fiber of my body, but sometimes it’s just good to get some ME time.  I was a confirmed bachelor for many years before I met Dar, and everyone likes certain things.  My particular thing when, she’s out for the evening is putting in a great concert DVD and maxing out the speakers.  Is that a bad thing??? I hardly think so.

I tend to lead a pretty boring life at the best of times, I like my news at 6 and a few shows.  So unwinding with some ear-splitting rock and roll to my mind seems like a good thing.  Fist pumping in the privacy of ones home seems to be almost an unalienable human right.

So why do I feel guilty?  Maybe because I wanted a night off?  That she would be snowed in due to icy roads?  Does that make me a bad person to want a night alone, do my chores and cook a nice meal?  Crank some tunes and hog the bed?

Maybe I just miss her too much, or maybe I am just too Canadian?  I don’t know.

In any case I have a shout out to send.  Happy Birthday Mom.  It was 3 years today that I started this adventure in blogging.  I wished you a Happy Birthday then and I will do it again.  We love you and wish you the best in all things.

Bobby and Darlene