The Hardest Speach I have ever given.

I have spoken about loss, so so many times here.  The loss of a pet, the loss of a friendship, the loss of a love. The crushing loss of someone who I thought could be more.

But these all pale in my eyes and in my soul to the loss of my Mother. I honestly never thought that a death would impact me this way.  As you should know by now I was adopted at 6 months, I had a great childhood running around causing havoc with my little brother. But even then there were parts of my life missing. Things I can not explain an empty feeling, not feeling unloved at all but just missing a piece of ME.

For years my mother held my world together, I was at best a struggle for her, with my brother.  Two young boys always fighting and playing and getting into mischief. But then as I hit my teen years I started to pull away, as teens do.Getting into trouble and in one case being arrested for a petty break in because I was bored.  Small town nothing to do.

But as I grew in life Mom still surprisingly had my back, she supported me in all my endeavors to the best of my family abilities.  I attended University and did well towards earning a degree in Psychology until, and I hate to say it Brent had his accident.

This will always be a turning point in my life, my little brother injured in a swimming pool accident to being stuck in a wheelchair.  Priories had to change and they did. I don’t blame anyone but it is what it is.

The truth as I see it was mom was always a caregiver, she gave till it hurt. I remember her saying she couldn’t go on after Brent. The only time I ever saw her totally break down completely was at Brent’s apartment after  he had passed. This broke her, but to make steel you have to break iron.

I have so many thoughts right now, thank you all.

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