Anyone who knows me knows the joker, the friend or my sharp scarcasam that can really sting. Well i hate to tell you friend you hardly know me at all. And as it turns out apparently I didnt either. Well not really anyway.
Was just sitting at home watching a Canadian War Film Heyna Road, watching friends chums and the foings on in Afganistan. I have never seen the Canadian Armed Forces shown in quite this way. Most movies gloss over the Candian sacrifice, at the end one half of the couple gets blown up only a day after he learns his Captain is pregnant with their child.
Something in me just let go and the waterfall started, I empathized with the bunch back at base. After having lost so much myself. I don’t cry as a rule but i just let them pour down my face not trying to stop them at all. My closest partners have always said why don’t you ever smile? I am content and happy inside but apparently very emotionless at the times it maters most. At least on the outside.
Conversly don’t let myself feel sad, always trying to keep control that middle ground for my emotions. So tonight I got sad and I cried, maybe tomorrow I’ll let myself smile. Not for the crowd but just for me. When I fight to keep everything neutral, when things go wrong they go really wrong in all sorts of ways.
Thanks for listening.