Parents do you have squirmy, ants in the pants children who are impossible to get to bed and constantly act up with all the excitement of the Christmas season? Well have I got an idea for you, the Elf on the Shelf.
In a nutshell it’s a little stuffed elf that you “adopt” much like the Cabbage Patch dolls of old but with a most nefarious aim. To get your children to behave. Let’s be realistic fellow parents we are already lying to our kids anyway about a fat bearded ol’ pervert that spy’s on the kids anyways why not give him an accomplice to make the rouse just a touch more believable.
Enter the Shelf Elf, who sits and watches the children silently during the day and fly back home to the North Pole at night to report to the bearded one about the children’s activities. Hmmm, are they reporting to Lenin or Santa?
The real trick of the toy is to move the Elf every day, thus maintaining the illusion that the Elf is alive and actually doing the North Poles bidding. The kids will by all account, jump speedily out of bed each and every morning to search for the tiny infiltrator thus releasing the parents from exhaustive morning wake up chores. Also since the children are being watched by a magical apprentice they should behave for at least the Christmas season.
Is this sneaky as hell, does it smack of McCarthyism? HELL YA! Am I for it, Boo-ya.
Lets face it fellow parents any edge us old geezers can have over our spawn is a welcome one, they are bombarded with commercials and peer pressure for toys and attention. The over sugared lifestyle they live is out of control and if it takes a little subterfuge to get some control back into our back pocket I’m all for it.
So let’s join the Shelf Elf revolution, Viva Elves, Viva Santa. Oh screw it I need an Egg-nog.
Merry Christmas to all my fellow parents out there.