I Hate Winter!


There I said it; I am expecting the RCMP to come pounding on my door minutes after this is posted for the entire world to see. As I stand on my doorstep, shovel in my hand, white from doing battle with Jack Frost.  I scream into the morning light, “I hate you winter!  Go away and leave me alone!”

Buried Axle deep in Snow

But you say Bob you’re Canadian.  You’re supposed to like the snow and the cold and the Frosty the Snowman thing. To you I reply, enough already I give up. Take me away and lock me up somewhere warm, preferably Aruba.

40 years in this frozen hell is enough, if I had killed a man just to watch him die surely I would be granted parole by now. I’ve done my time; I deserve sandy beaches and fruity drinks delivered by girls in bikinis. Don’t I?

Enough Already!

What did I do to deserve this?  I go to work, pay my taxes.  I don’t kick puppies or shove old ladies into oncoming traffic.  It’s only November after all, and by my calendar that means I am locked in this icy wasteland until at least march.  5 months in the hole, 5 months of shovelling the driveway and plugging in my jeep.  5 long months of going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark.

Typical Winter Driving Conditions for Manitoba

Almost 6 weeks of enduring happy shoppers and smiling children waiting for Santa.  Humbug!  Ship me out in a box if that’s what it takes, just as long as it’s somewhere warm.

Beautiful But Deadly

Thanks for listening.  The nice man in the white coat says the shot is going to calm me down and make me sleepy.  “Hello puppies, hello rainbows.  I’m coming Elizabeth, I’m coming.”

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16 responses to “I Hate Winter!

  1. OK. Is it a dry cold or a wet cold where you are? That could explain some of it. I loved winter out west, growing up – it’s a dry cold, the snow is light and fluffy, and we’re higher therefore closer to the sun so you can have lovely days in winter.

    And yet. New England is beating my love of winter out of me.

    PS. Pick something way better than Aruba. Aruba kind of sucks.

    • Hey Nikki!

      Well today it was a drier snow, but this time of year we really could get anything. Actually as I was shovelling today I was thanking anyone who would listen that it was a lighter grade of the white stuff.

      Normally we get a dry cold here with lots of blinding sunshine, it’s really not all that bad. But ya know when a person gets 2 feet dumped on them in the course of a couple of days you can excuse them for being a bit bitchy.

      So Aruba sucks eh? Where would you take me if you had the chance?

      Actually, lets open that up to anyone that responds to this. Where would you take Bob to get him out of his winter doldrums?

      I seriously need someone with cash to scoop me up out of here and get me someplace warm STAT!

      Check out my previous post on the subject.
      But it’s a Dry Cold http://wp.me/pJ5mf-30

  2. Well Bob I think 4 months left would be more precise than 5. November is almost over. You look like you guys got more snow than us. God lots more. I shovelled today nothing compared to what you had to do…….used my quad with the blade. But the next snow fall will be nothing hopefully. We didn’t deserve anything about living in the cold, but one has to suck it up. Ha Ha

    • Yea Rose, I was just trying to have a laugh at winter. I couldn’t live anywhere else, Christmas without snow would just not be the same.

  3. I hear you Bob. I left New Zealand because of the cold winters. Sydney’s winter only lasts about two and a half months and we never see snow here but still I whinge and complain all through it. Well, except for the 4 weeks I usually spend overseas somewhere hot…. I’d recommend a Greek island

    • I can only dream of having winter last 2 months, but that’s what I get for living where I do.

      So for the record Nurse Myra have you ever experienced snow?
      I really don’t know much about New Zealand’s temperature extremes, loved Lord of the Rings though. 🙂

  4. Bob,
    I’m so happy to discover that you don’t push grandmas into oncoming traffic or kick puppies.
    As for the cold, I totally understand. Ten minutes in snow and I turn into a Rysicle. Unless I’m snowboarding, but that’s a whole different thing. That’s recreational, snow required. Not the same as walking to the post office in piles of white freezing material that turns my toes blue.
    Not great man, not great.
    Besides, who doesn’t deserve to be fed copious amounts of fruity drinks by girls in bikinis? You pay taxes, you seem like a good guy-I’d say you qualify.
    Check out Zanzibar.
    It’s beautiful.

    • Thanks for checking in Ryan!

      I have been getting a great deal of grief over writing that post from my fellow Canadians. Most of them telling me to suck it up and face the reality that we are all in this together. Actually I think its the winters that give us as a people our crazy sense of humor. It’s that us vs. the world mentality that gets us through those cold winter nights, well that and huge amounts of alcohol.

      Thanks for the thumbs up on bikinis and fruity drinks, perhaps when I win the lotto we can schedule a trip to Zanzibar together. Hotties for me, and Hunks for you!

      Are you game for that???

  5. hahaha
    Absolutely Bob, absolutely. I also have included winning the lottery in my life goals, so I’m sure it’s just around the corner….

  6. Vodka and Ground Beef

    You totally deserve sandy beaches and fruits delivering drinks in bikinis.

  7. Hmmmm. That isn’t exactly how I had said it. But ya know what; as long as the sandy beaches are there I am game at this point!

  8. I have a love/hate relationship with the snow. I love the photography, the snowman building at the lake, the skiing if I ever learn. I hate the roads, the cold and the people the forget how to winter drive. If we could have a winter without the freezing temps, good roads the whole time and drivers learn how to drive in the winter I would be happy all year round.

    Great and funny blog bob! I hope to catch up on your recent posts soon.

  9. It is possible that you might end up missing the snow if you never see it each winter again. At least that I what happened to me. Moved from Sweden to Dublin…missing the snow (well not at this particular moment as we actually have snow here now..yay!) but now I seriously dislike rain instead…..

    Through a snowball at someone, that’s whats makes snow so great!

    • Welcome Ivy!!

      I am seriously willing to take that risk right now my dear. It’s only the end of November and already we have close the total amount of snow that we received all last year!

      I admit that I would miss my snow at Christmas time but other than that I have had more than my fair share over my lifetime. Even the chance to miss it would be nice right about now. Or how bout not having to shovel every stinkin’ day after work.

      I almost went under a transport truck with my Jeep this morning on the way to work, the road was greasy as all beat hell and I went straight on a curve and almost under the trailer of a transport truck that did manage to make the turn due to his size and weight. Scared the crap out of me!

      • Ouch! Good thing you are not under the truck! Scary!

        At the moment you can easily run the same risk here in Dublin. Mainly because no-one knows how to drive on ice and snow. It is quite comical at times. A good few traffic lights have been demolished…

  10. Well Ivy there really was no excuse for it to happen. Looking back on it I could have done a few things to avoid that situation completely.
    I could have reduced my speed and not tried to go around the corner at the same time as the truck, for one thing.

    Four wheel drive only does so much good in this slop, it does help you get going but unfortunately it does very little when trying to stop or react quickly.